forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
