my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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