it wasn't lemon gatorade
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
