im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
