I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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