I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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