just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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