Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
