R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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