Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
