My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
