if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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