I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
50% drunk capacity currently
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
