Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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