why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
