im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
