wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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