We need to start having sex underwater more often.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
