it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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