Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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