3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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