There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
