Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
