I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
