so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize