Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
