Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
