so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
