It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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