if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
