the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
