Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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