i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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