Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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