I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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