Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
