she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
