Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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