Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
