ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
