I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
time to smoke my breakfast
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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