The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
