my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
