So drunk its hurt
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
