So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
