My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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