i need an iv and a liver transplant
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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