A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
