im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
