If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
