i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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