So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
