She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize