she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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