so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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