Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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