Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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