Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
