well you can't waste a boner
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
