at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
