i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize