my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
