I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
