i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Vodka?
Forever.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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