I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize