my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
