I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
