i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
someone owes me an orgasm
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
