yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
