I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
