Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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