I wish I only lived at night.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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