i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
