Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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