genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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