my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize