you will always have a special place in my vag
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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