so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
