Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
