shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
