I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize